Saturday, September 1, 2007

Letting go.

Yesterday, I had trouble concentrating. Oh, I worked on cleaning the garage. Cleaned and kitted some. I took care of the puppy. Puttered around the house.
Caitlin and Danny spent the day with my X and his family. Even though I finished “The Things They Carried,” I really didn’t feel that I accomplished much. In the afternoon, I went to the Butcher Shop to get stuff for dinner. It’s a little Mom & Pop kind of store, so they recognize you. I got my usual smile and “How have you been doing?” And I responded with, “Better than ever. My daughter is home from college.” My voice caught in the last sentence when I realized that although she was here with me, that this is not her home anymore. It’s not much of a surprise to me that Caitlin is going to apply for her dual citizenship. In fact, I have encouraged her to do so. When Caitlin and Danny talked about the plan, I was happy. My father has always used Great Power to keep our family close to him. It has always been hard for him to realize that you have your “first” family life, and then your Real Life. I wonder what is the most costly as a parent, scrambling to control everyone to stay by you, or watching your child as they go. Here I am at 47, living in the same home for 25 years, working for the same employer for 12 ½ years, staying here because my family wants it so.
I decided a long time ago that it would be the best thing for my kids to let them go. Let them make their own lives. And so, here, my daughter has done just that. She has carved her own separate life. And I am a section of her life. I am so proud. Proud that she is herself. And I guess that I'm proud of myself. For letting go.

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